Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Fuck appropriateness.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
