first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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