They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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