if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize