i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
