also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
