Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
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