new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
