Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
