adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
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