If you die in college, do you die in real life?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
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