My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I will be naked everywhere
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
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