What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
