RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
