I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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