It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
We need to rekindle our bromance
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Randomize