she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
