just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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