peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
