I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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