Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Randomize
