I swear she didn't look like that last week.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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