In America we eat man semen.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
