I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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