Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I want you more than these girls want KFC
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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