My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize