i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
