I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
She's the barista slut.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
