Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
