I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
