He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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