I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
