why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
