literally had 100 drinks last night.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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