Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
