so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
