She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize