I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
God, I missed his penis.
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