Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Randomize
