i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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