Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
The uberlube is also flammable
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
