i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
