You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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