WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
