your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
