why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
