i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
