i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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