3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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