So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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