White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Randomize
