wake up i wanna do it froggy style
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize