She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Randomize
