Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
