I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
