I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
how can u be prego again
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
