I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
