Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Randomize
