I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
