it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I love having hate sex.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
