It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize