You really coming over, don't trick.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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