god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Randomize
