I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize