People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
