I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
