...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
