Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
