Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
