ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
