I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
and you said cock pushups were impossible
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
