Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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