I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Randomize
