Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
