I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
