i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize
