Farmville is her only friend.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
