I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
