She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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