Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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