He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
