What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
You pole danced in your parka.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
