thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize