Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
