I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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