Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize