I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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