i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
