Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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