In the future we'll all be gay
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I enjoy the company of your penis
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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