And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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