Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
