pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
be right there i have to get my cape
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
