what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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