I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
