I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
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