Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
