you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
