I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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