You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
he fucked my hip out of place.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
The Olympian is in my bed
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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