Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
