trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
